An Open Conversation About Race

Hello!

I know it has been a minute, but I wanted to take some time to process, reflect and regroup before sharing these thoughts.

While my blog was intended to cover topics about the twenties, I could not help but think of how insensitive it would be to not address the recent light brought to racial injustice in our country. And honestly, I feel like this time of great change in our nation is affecting everyone, including twenty-somethings.

My heart has been very heavy the past two weeks. Living in downtown Chicago, I have witnessed a lot over the past two weeks, from peaceful protests, to looting, to fires and riots. Everything.

And I am lucky to just be witnessing it, rather than experiencing the root of this pain. That would be racism in America. In 2020. On the outside, that seems crazy. All these years later, we are still experiencing the same acts of racism?! On the inside, it unfortunately seems very possible.

As a person who is not black, I have found myself becoming overwhelmed with all that is being shared on social media right now. I know the black community, rightfully so right now, is reeling with the relentless injustice done to their communities, and I am scared to offend, thinking to myself “should I say this, not that?” I am proceeding with the highest amount of caution writing this post because of that.

The wakeup call we all needed

This has been a big wakeup call. I am not happy about death nor destruction, but I am happy about the conversations that have been brought up in the last 2 weeks, as a result of increased attention toward our country’s fault when it comes to equality.

My parents, my friends, old and new, my college mentor, my friends of color, my white friends, even co-workers. I have been so thankful for our open discussions about race, about how we can all improve ourselves in this battle for justice and equality. And I cannot really say that before this, I would talk to people outside of my close circle about something like social injustice, but now we are, and that’s a step in the right direction.

I got together with my high school friends last week for a glass of wine on the patio of a local winery. 4 of them were white, one of them Latina, and me, biracial (Half Pakistani/Half white). We all sat in a circle and talked about race, bias & privilege, about how we have all screwed up (myself included), and acknowledging how we can do better moving forward. And IT WAS AMAZING. I can’t tell you we would have had a conversation like that 5 years ago, and I can’t tell you that even if we did, that it would have been productive. But this time around, it was. Truly, I am so proud of all of us, for letting our guards down and having a conversation that was once very uncomfortable to have. It’s these baby steps that I am feeling good about, and what gives me hope that change is coming.

How to be a better ally: Instagram edition

Last week when I asked my Instagram followers, “How can I be a better ally?”, my friend responded by saying “Try to initiate these uncomfortable conversations with people outside of social media.”

It is so true and valid. I can believe that everyone reading this right now has had at least one conversation, be it with a family member at the holiday dinner table, a fringe friend that said something questionable, or a coworker that crosses the line, where you have that icky feeling. “That was not right,” your gut quietly says to you. Then you are met at a crossroads of, “Should I say something? I don’t want to ruin the mood of the (insert event or circumstance), or make everyone uncomfortable by speaking out.”

But you see…racism is uncomfortable.

The difference today and moving forward, is that I will listen to my gut and speak out, regardless of the circumstance, the audience, the person saying something inappropriate.

How to be a better ally: corporate training edition

Wednesday of this week, I attended a virtual corporate event put on by my company called “Pausing for Action.” Here we discussed things like…

1. What is privilege?

2. What are microaggressions?

3. How is racism ingrained in our society?

4. What is an ally?

During our allyship training, I learned that ally is actually a verb, meaning “to unite/form a connection between.” I loved that this word is actually a verb, because verbs mean action, and that’s exactly what we need; ACTION.

this graphic was included in the deck, breaking down the anatomy of an ally, take a peek! credits to @ohhappydani

How to stop it in its tracks

Through our corporate training, my company outlined how to intervene in a situation of unjust behavior, an inappropriate racial comment. Here were some notes I took.

How to deescalate a situation:

An inappropriate racial comment is made.

Turn the question/comment back around onto them by saying “Perhaps you meant ~this~” or “Can you repeat that? I don’t know if I heard you correctly”

The first tactic descalates and builds a bridge between you and another party, instead of feeling like offense and defense. Emotions drop and a conversation is had.

The second tactic makes the party reflect on what they said and will most likely change their tune. It kind of embarrasses them but helps you take control of correcting them.

The 4 D’s of Intervention:

Delegate – delegate someone to intervene with the party at fault

Direct- Intervene in the moment, this is a judgement call you must make

Delay- Take time to regroup and to gather thoughts, then go ahead and intervene

Distract- When it is time to intervene, distract the party from the larger group to make the conversation a more personal one

Document- Write down what happened and what you said, I like to do this when I get upset about things because it helps me remember facts that seem to get foggy when I get emotional

How to correct yourself:

Delay and Direct- Delay, by doing your research and pausing to reflect, and Direct by apologizing to the party and correcting your behavior

There is work that needs to be done

Today is actually Juneteenth. My company sent out a corporate message saying that anytime during this week, feel free to take a day off as a “day of reflection,” to honor this day in history, but also take time to let the trainings we attended on Wednesday kind of sink in.

So that’s what this is all about, reflecting.

I am not perfect. I have definitely screwed up in my past and said insensitive things. I have also stood back in shock while racist comments were made, not knowing how to proceed.

We are complicit if we do not speak up and make changes in our behavior.

I am acknowledging that and pledging to be better. I am pledging to stop this bigotry in its tracks, to speak up for what is right, and to be a better ally to my black friends/black co-workers.

I ask that whoever reads this far can do the same, you don’t need to be perfect, but let’s strive to just be better.

Thank you so much for reading.